Z.

Do others see me try? I suspect that much of the effort goes unnoticed. Even if they see, do they care? Not until my lack of effort affects them. Do I care?  I do. But only so much. Do I want them to know that I'm trying? Or do I just want to appear as though I'm trying? Do I want them to know that I care? Or do I just want to look like I care? I don't know. So, how much am I actually trying? Am I trying my best? I could always try harder. Something always stops me. Then what stops me from trying my hardest? Myself. I am my most immediate limitation.  I am also the only real limitation I can control. But how much of myself can I actually control? How much effort can I squeeze out of me— —Even if it's not what I want? And is that really the only limitation?  Maybe not. But it's enough. How do I limit myself? How do I stop myself from trying the hardest I can? To clarify: How hard should I try?  (The hardest that I possibly can.) Oh, right. That's right. I forgot....