A Little More

Do others see me try?

I suspect that much of the effort goes unnoticed.

Even if they see, do they care?

Not until my lack of effort affects them.

Do I care? 

I do. But only so much.

Do I want them to know that I'm trying?

Or do I just want to appear as though I'm trying?

Do I want them to know that I care?

Or do I just want to look like I care?

I don't know.


So, how much am I actually trying?

Am I trying my best?

I could always try harder.

Something always stops me.

Then what stops me from trying my hardest?

Myself. I am my most immediate limitation. 

I am also the only real limitation I can control.

But how much of myself can I actually control?

How much effort can I squeeze out of me—

—Even if it's not what I want?

And is that really the only limitation? 

Maybe not. But it's enough.

How do I limit myself?

How do I stop myself from trying the hardest I can?

To clarify: How hard should I try? 

(The hardest that I possibly can.)

Oh, right. That's right. I forgot.

So, what are my constraints? These "self-imposed" limits?

What is it about my effort that is finite? 

Focus.

Interest. 

Time. 

Is that all?

Maybe not. (But it's enough.)

But, couldn't I always sacrifice more?

Sure. Just sacrifice a little bit more of my focus.

Take from the reservoirs of my effort for other things—

—Things I enjoy and find easy to focus on—

—So that I can more fully focus on the objectives that others want.

Couldn't I just do that?

Sure. Just sacrifice a little bit more of my interest.

Diminish my personal passions, my individual goals—

—Things that excite me or drive me—

—So that I can contribute just a little bit more to others' needs. 

Couldn't I just do that?

Shouldn't I? 

Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?

Sure. Just sacrifice a little bit more from my time.

Give up the dwindling hours that I do have, that's left to me—

—Inconstant, shifting spans of time—

—So that I can pour myself into someone else's goals.

Others' focus.

Others' interests.

For the enrichment of someone else's time.

Why don't I?

Why can't I?

Even when I know I should, why do I insist—

—And cling to my private, self-serving, idle curiosities—

—When I could be doing something for someone—

—Trying as hard as I possibly can for their sake, instead?

I could. 

I try.

Sure. I try. But do I try my hardest?

No. 

Couldn't I just try a little bit more?

Couldn't I find a little more to give up?

More than focus? More than interest? More than time? 

Sure. I'm sure there's something more I could give. 

How much more?

I don't know.

Can I find out? 

I can try.

Well, give a little more.

Okay. I'll try.

Then, just give a little more.

Okay.

How about just a little bit more? 

Yes. 

Then, how about a little more?

Yes.

Okay.

Now a little bit more.

Just a little more.

A little more.

A little more.

A little more.

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